An int, a char and a string walk into a bar and order some drinks. A short while later, the int and char start hitting on the waitress who gets very uncomfortable and walks away. The string walks up to the waitress and says “You’ll have to forgive them, they’re primitive types.”
God summons the devil and jesus, and he challenges them to a programming contest. God gives them the spec and they begin. Jesus and the devil write their code furiously. As the contest reaches the end, the power suddenly goes out for a moment, both of their monitors go blank, and reboot when the power comes back on. God asks to see the two programs. The Devil says that he had a good program, but he lost it when the power was out. Jesus had no such problem, and won the contest, because Jesus saves.
A SQL query walks up to two tables in a restaurant and asks: “Mind if I join you?” Eight bytes walk into a bar and say to the bartender: “Make us a double.” Two strings walk into a bar. One says to the bartender: “I’ll have a beer*7jd@jh.” The other says: “Excuse my friend, he’s not null terminated.”
10 Excuses of Programmers to a Non-technical Boss
1. “That’s weird.”
2. “But it worked yesterday!”
3. “It must be a hardware problem.”
4. “It works on my machine.”
5. “Your computer might be infected with a virus.”
6. “Someone must have changed my code..”
7. “It really does that.”
8. “Oh my God you broke it!” – very effective for warding off the boss.
9. “Almost done.”
10. “Compiling!”
5 Things Programmers Wonder About Their Own Code
1. “Why are you not working?!”
2. “Why are you working?!”
3. “Where’s the missing semi-colon?!”
4. “What just happened?!”
5. “Who coded this sh@t?!”
