God summons the devil and jesus, and he challenges them to a programming contest. God gives them the spec and they begin. Jesus and the devil write their code furiously. As the contest reaches the end, the power suddenly goes out for a moment, both of their monitors go blank, and reboot when the power comes back on. God asks to see the two programs. The Devil says that he had a good program, but he lost it when the power was out. Jesus had no such problem, and won the contest, because Jesus saves.

A SQL query walks up to two tables in a restaurant and asks: “Mind if I join you?” Eight bytes walk into a bar and say to the bartender: “Make us a double.” Two strings walk into a bar. One says to the bartender: “I’ll have a beer*7jd@jh.” The other says: “Excuse my friend, he’s not null terminated.”

10 Excuses of Programmers to a Non-technical Boss

1. “That’s weird.”
2. “But it worked yesterday!”
3. “It must be a hardware problem.”
4. “It works on my machine.”
5. “Your computer might be infected with a virus.”
6. “Someone must have changed my code..”
7. “It really does that.”
8. “Oh my God you broke it!” – very effective for warding off the boss.
9. “Almost done.”
10. “Compiling!”

5 Things Programmers Wonder About Their Own Code

1. “Why are you not working?!”
2. “Why are you working?!”
3. “Where’s the missing semi-colon?!”
4. “What just happened?!”
5. “Who coded this sh@t?!”